Courage

From President Monson:

"Face Challenges with Courage

C is for courage. Courage becomes a worthwhile and meaningful virtue when it is regarded not so much as a willingness to die manfully but as a determination to live decently.

Said the American essayist and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide on, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.”⁵

There will be times when you will be frightened and discouraged. You may feel that you are defeated. The odds of obtaining victory may appear overwhelming. At times you may feel like David trying to fight Goliath. But remember—David did win!

Courage is required to make an initial thrust toward one’s coveted goal, but even greater courage is called for when one stumbles and must make a second effort to achieve."

The rest of this article can be found here: Click Me

My Amazing Wife

So what do you do when you forget to bring your lunch to work, and need to take a few minutes break? You sneak into your family blog and talk about how amazing your wife is, hoping that she will read it later on, along with our followers and maybe even a few complete strangers.

Seriously, I wanted to take a few minutes to explain why I am the luckiest man in the world to be married to Emily. She is an amazing wife, mother, cook, dance partner, animal lover, and friend. We have been through a lot of highs and lows over the past month and she has been such a strong foundation for our family as we went through a lot of change, some expected and some unexpected.

I love you sweetheart. Thank you for being you and for being by my side at all times.

- Dan

I think I have diarrhea

In our new house we got a new fridge and it has a lot bigger freezer than our rental woo whoo! I was at the store and thought that I would pick up a box of Pedialite Popsicles now that we have room, just in case Dawson needs them one night and it is late and he has a tummy ache.

I failed to bury them deep into the freezer so that Dawson would not want to eat them. Too late, he saw them and we have been discussing that they are for diarrhea or when he has the throw ups. Now he has me checking his poop to see if per chance he has indeed created something messy and has been telling me he definitely has the throw ups on their way!

Today after church Dawson come up to us in hopes that what he created passed the test so that he can have a Popsicle. Trying not to laugh Dan, trying to be as serious as possible checks everything out and suggests we give the kid a Popsicle. Reminds me of the time Dawson figured out what our computer password is. Oh wait that was also today. He is oh so proud of his computer mastery and now just as he sates he can, "go to the movie store when ever he wants" meaning Netflix. Don't worry we have it on G rated movies only but now we have to come up with a new computer password and put a door on Dan's office. This kid is so stink'n smart! He prides himself at being smarter than us.

I won't turn into a woman

This morning Dan and I were taking some vitamins and Dawson felt really left out that he didn't get one. He started whining and said, "mommy pwease, pwease mommy let me take one, I won't turn into a woman."

 

Read Me

"If there's something special you want to do, now is the time... if you
want to make a difference in the world, now is the time. Don't be fooled
into thinking you should wait until you are older or wiser or more 'secure'
- because it doesn't work that way. The wisdom will come. The security will
come. But first you must begin your adventure". Ron Atchison

A little romantic

Today Dawson and I played with dinosaurs. We had the dinosaurs battle each other. Once most of the dinosaurs died a horrible death by being eaten, there were two T- Rex dinosaurs left. I was ready for the next battle and all of the sudden Dawson, said... Hi whats your name, so I answered, speaking for my dinosaur. All of the sudden his dinosaur starts kissing my dinosaur on the lips. He said that my dinosaur was pregnant with an elephant and that the two T-Rex dinosaurs were going to have a baby!

WOW!

The struggle with play dough

Dan and I closed out of our rental on the 7th of January. When I was dusting the banister I saw this little beauty. I have seen it before and It made me laugh. Every time I passed it on the stairs I would think... I really need to get that dried play dough out. Dawson hasn't been the crazy kid that has drawn on the walls with marker or played in his poop while "napping" but he did do this one and I think its funny. He snuck ( not a real word I know) play dough up the stairs to feed all of his super hero's. 

When Dawson was a toddler, he'd eat cardboard boxes including cardboard tampons that he would find in my bag . And two nights ago he emptied half of a 25 pound bag of kitty food all over his room. We got him a cat a week ago and we left the big bag of food in his room, I just had not carried it out yet. Dan and I were talking while Dawson was supposed to be going to bed and then it happened. We heard the sound of the big bag and food being flicked everywhere, he fed her they way we feed the ducks at the park.

We looked at each other, Dan and I. At first we couldn't tell what "that" sound was??? So we started guessing. Then we laughed before going into his room. We told Dawson that it was very nice of him to feed his kitty, she must have been very hungry.

I would have taken a picture, but Dawson has brown carpet in his room and he really spread that bag pretty thin through out his huge room....

 But for the sake of pictures here is one of  "Ruby the mouse" its a collective family name between us and the 4 year old.  And Louie the meatball.

Wrapping it up

I wanted to do one more post about all of the adoption things going on around our house lately. I still have a blanket the girl's mom had made for the baby that she gave us and some ultrasound pics that I am going to send back to her. It's something we talked about so she knows to expect them soon.

 I have gone to the store and loaded up with cute little things in my grocery cart, over and over again just to put it back in the isles. I ended up with this little toy and put it in her package yesterday.

I put some little comfy socks in there for her. 

She seemed to like the last movie we sent her so I thought I would send one more. It was meant to be sent to her for Christmas.

Then lastly, there was a book that her parents read to her as a baby and she read to her baby everyday while she was pregnant. We ordered a copy online for the baby so that if she was placed with us then we could read it to her and talk about her birth mom. 

Now they can have two copies in case the first gets worn. I am so grateful to be doing this. I am glad this is wrapping up, coming to an end and now we can move forward. 

I am not on  facebook but I did see the picture she posted with her baby, She looks very content and peaceful.

Box of donuts

I wanted to explain the way I feel using a box of donuts.

I feel that when I think about my hopeful future with more children I think of specifics. I think about gender. I think about race ( it doesn't matter), age ( sometimes I think about adopting a toddler) and I think about the family that they came from. 

And I dream, about the perfect donut.

( Perfect for us)

When I think about all that has happened for us with adoption and loss, something surprises me. 

When someone hears that we had an adoption not work out, most people don't say anything. When people do say something they seem to either victimize the situation by going on and on about the drama of it all with out realizing that we are not the first and we are not the last to have this happen (and life, it has a way of moving forward with or with out us).Or on  the opposite end of things, people turn the other way and either say nothing or minimize the situation. Please don't make me give an example of this, because that is mostly what we have gotten. Minimization.

This feels like I went out and bought a box of pretty iced donuts and upon walking toward my car absolutely giddy, the bottom of the box falls out and all the pretty donuts fall onto the pavement.  

People treat the loss as if you can go out and get another donut. Oh there are donuts everywhere, just go out and get another one. 

Sometimes it can be hard to know what to say.

 Be careful when someone hurts. Don't minimize it and don't make it seem that the one with loss will never dig out of this one because "its so hard". 

Sometimes, its okay to say, sorry. or I don't know what to say (sometimes that is just nice to hear that someone acknowledges that you are in pain and feel some loss, but they are not sure exactly what to say). The best one, I AM HERE.

When you pursue adoption you are hoping to find that right one. And sometimes, one falls. 

And it breaks your heart.

Updates..

Dan and I have not gone back online yet. Since we have moved cities we have to re-register at a different location with our same adoption agency. To be honest I don't feel any sense of urgency and either does Dan. I feel like the wind has been taken out of my sails. I know this sounds funny but, I miss myself. I know this blog is boring but I really can be witty at times. I think??

I met some new neighbors and I am so grateful there were no questions as to why we don't have more children... so new to me to not be asked! It was so nice.  I don't know why people.. strangers think that they can ask really personal questions which always leads to advice then the conversation ends with your grocery amount total and you try to scurry out of the grocery store and hope to never check out with that same clerk.

I need to post pictures of our house, but I keep misplacing the camera charger and Dawson keeps flipping through the pictures on the camera and running out the battery.

I know I will get back to myself but I just want it to be right away.

Remember this story

I just wanted to update this story..HERE We had been contacted this last June about a young girl that chose us as an adoptive family for her baby. She told us at the end of October that she really wanted to parent so as I kept saying goodbye to her she kept telling me that she had not made her full decision and that she really had felt strongly about us as her family, very strongly. I just wanted to update that she had her baby on the 30th and brought her home yesterday.

Typically when that happens it seems in most cases the relationship dissolves, but she still contacts us  but I find it hard to be in contact.... is that bad? is it wrong?? I care for her deeply I just feel inside out with her contact.

 Dan and I are okay to not have a baby for now in fact we are not pursing adoption right now.  We both would really like to pursue it when Dawson goes into the first grade. We've done a lot of moves and we are finally getting settled into a new home, our 13th move in 8 and a half years. (crazy circumstances..its been rough!!)

 We have been on this second adoption journey since spring of 2009. I am so grateful to have Dawson, he is the sunshine to my soul. I just feel like I want to move from the pursuit of adoption right now and focus on my present family. I would love it if someone called and said hey... I am looking to place I would love to adopt... I just don't feel like being in the pursuit for now! 

I saw my friend's baby yesterday and in the past I would have turned inside out and I just did not feel that way.  I want the baby that is meant for our family, not yours not hers not theirs, but ours. Our baby and I feel okay to wait.

 Our next little one will come when it is the right time and for now I just don't feel like pursuing it at all. I feel like we will know when the time is right to either pursue it again or... maybe and I really hope that through word of mouth we will find our right baby whether it is today or in two years. 

Right now I relish this:

And loving this